6:00 AM: Yesterday we set a record for the most rainfall in Austin in January in a 1 day period. Joe Paterno’s public memorial is happening today and thousands of people are expected to attend. April 25-28 we will have a comedy festival in Austin and 60 comics will be featured at 12 venues in town. The headlines are Seth Meyers, Aziz Ansari, and Stephen Wright. They expect to draw 22,000 to 25,000 people this year. The Mayor of East Haven Connecticut is it some hot water right now. His cops have been under investigation for harassing Latino residents, and when they asked the mayor what he was going to do for the Latino community tonight, he said “I may have tacos for dinner”.
6:15 AM: Fact or bull fact—President facts. Obama is the first African American to address congress in a joint session. President George W. Bush wore blue neckties 5 of the 8 times he did The State of the Union address. There is always one cabinet member who doesn’t attend the State of the Union address in case of a disaster, they will be able to serve as President. This person is called the “designated survivor”.
6:25 AM: We found a funny clip from a county spelling bee. The word the boy is asked to spell is “Heron”, but for some reason he can’t hear the judge or understand what she is saying so he goes back and forth for a long time guessing what word she is saying.
6:30 AM: 4 things you need to know with Sara. Pat Sajak recently did an interview on ESPN and said he has done Wheel of Fortune drunk back in the days when he was young. Apple became the most valuable company in the world yesterday, and they often switch back and forth with Exxon Mobil. Demi Moore was hospitalized this week, and apparently she inhaled nitrous oxide, or a “whippet” to get high. This caused her to seizure, and there is a rumor that this is why Ashton Kutcher left her. A woman named Eleanor who passed away last year donated 2 million dollars to the Salvation Army. Everyone thought she was poor, because she never spent a dime on going out to eat, or vacation, or having cable TV.
6:45 AM: Unknown poll—would you miss your friend’s wedding to attend the Super Bowl? 3 of the 5 people we polled said YES, they definitely would. We definitely had a higher rate than the National poll. In the National poll, 20% of Americans would skip the wedding for the Super Bowl.
7:00 AM: Coast to coast news in 60 seconds.
7:05 AM: Would it be better to be in a mediocre marriage or to be single? Sandy thinks it’d be better to be in mediocre marriage, and claims he is in one right now. Sara believes that a person should never settle, and that it’d be better to be single. The rest of us on the show can’t imagine ever being single again and claim it’s just a drag to be “in the game”.
7:20 AM: Today’s topics. A killer awaiting execution in North Carolina wrote a letter to the local paper saying his life is incredibly easy in prison. Is jail too leisurely for the prisoners, who get 3 hot meals a day, TV, books, air conditioning, and free healthcare? A California dad has a 4th grade age son who is bullied at school and was threatened with a knife. A judge has granted a restraining order against the bully. Bruce Jenner told US Weekly that his kids don’t need to go to college.
7:30 AM: 4 things you need to know with Sara. Taco Bell is going to start serving breakfast foods by 2014. They will have breakfast burritos, hash browns, coffee, and orange juice. New rules rolled out for meals in schools. They will now have to offer fruits and vegetable to students every day. They also will have many other nutritional rules including calories, sodium, and fats. April 25-28 we will have a comedy festival in Austin and 60 comics will be featured at 12 venues in town. The headlines are Seth Meyers, Aziz Ansari, and Stephen Wright. They expect to draw 22,000 to 25,000 people this year. Cee-Lo Green will join Madonna on stage at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show.
7:42 AM: Anonymous confessions. Who on the show used to bite their toenails a lot? Who played a mean prank in college by calling a guy, pretending to be the campus health clinic, and telling him he had an STD? Who kept their parents up all night because they decided to break into a school, and attempt to rappel down the side of the building, and when they did, the cops came? Who once was paid $100 by a city official to slash the tired of someone they had a “beef” with? Who went to a pink house on Airport Boulevard and got a $60 massage with a mandatory $40 tip and is pretty sure there is a video of them on the internet “violating themself”?
8:00 AM: Coast to coast news in 60 seconds.
8:10 AM: Headlines that don’t make the “4 things”.
8:30 AM: 4 things you need to know with Sara. Jay-Z and Beyonce have asked Oprah to be the God mother of their new baby girl. The Mayor of East Haven Connecticut is it some hot water right now. His cops have been under investigation for harassing Latino residents, and when they asked the mayor what he was going to do for the Latino community tonight, he said “I may have tacos for dinner” . Demi Moore was hospitalized this week, and apparently she inhaled nitrous oxide, or a “whippet” to get high. This caused her to seizure, and there is a rumor that this is why Ashton Kutcher left her.
8:50 AM: 2 minute topic. What show are you watching that no one else is? Cass loves The Layover on the Travel Channel. Sara loves Castle, and Alex loves Only In America with Larry the Cable Guy. JB’s TV is controlled by his daughter. So his show is Good Luck Chuck on Nickelodeon, and Sandy’s is the kid’s cartoon Kipper.
9:00 AM: Coast to coast news in 60 seconds.
9:15 AM: Today’s topics. There is a fat camp for dogs in New Jersey. Brad and Angelina are thinking about getting married because their kids want them to get married. NBC is developing an Office Spin-off show featuring Dwight living on the family beet farm.
9:30 AM: 4 things you need to know with Sara. Pat Sajak recently did an interview on ESPN and said he has done Wheel of Fortune drunk back in the days when he was young. Bill and Melinda Gates are donating 750 million to the global fund. Taco Bell is going to start serving breakfast foods by 2014. They will have breakfast burritos, hash browns, coffee, and orange juice. New rules rolled out for meals in schools. They will now have to offer fruits and vegetable to students every day. They also will have many other nutritional rules including calories, sodium, and fats. A lawsuit was filed today against Lindsay Lohan, by a woman who claims Lindsey hit her whole driving.
9:43 AM: Email habits that make you look bad according to Forbes Magazine. Calling right after you email a person. Editing someone else’s email before you forward it. Marking an email urgent or typing “read me now” in the subject line. Typing in all caps. Using more than one exclamation point at the end of a sentence. Answering a question not asked to you.
