Apparently the preliminary success of the new single ”Hold It Against Me” by Britney Spears has allegedly stressed the comeback diva to the point where she is binge eating, packing on the pounds and shaving her head. In other words, business as usual for Ms. Spears.
According to Nielsen BDS, "Hold It Against Me" already ranks as the No. 16 most-played track at pop radio stations across the country, prompting many borderline feebleminded critics and fans alike to proclaim Britney is back! But as a concerned fan I can’t help but wonder if the success of “Hold It Against Me” comes at a price and why success for the bulging balding Britney affects her in such bizarre ways?
I have the scoop from an extremely unreliable source who was recently driven away from the Spears compound for refusing to procure a ninth batch of cheeseburgers, hot dogs and clipping shears for Britney, during one of her twelve-hour crazy liquor cheeseburger hot dog and shaving parties. My informant, who does not want to be identified and wishes to go by the alias of "Deep Throat," feared for his life when Ms. Spears threatened him by saying and I quote, "Feed me or I'll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Red Bull." Deep Throat and his liver seized an opportunity to flee from the clutches of bulging Britney Scissorhands by hiding in a delivery truck owned by the 24-hour food delivery service Flying Pig, during a midnight drop-off at the Spears residence. See the escape vehicle here.
It’s too early to tell if “Hold it Against Me” and Britney for that matter can hold up to the early hype. But one thing is for sure, fava beans should never be eaten with a can of Red Bull.