Police in Lincoln, Nebraska have arrested the Easter Bunny for public intoxication, trespassing and indecency with a farm animal.
Sergeant Stadinko of the Lincoln police department gave details at a press conference this morning detailing the alleged activities on what is now being referred to as the “Easter Bunny Barnyard Bender.” According to Lincoln authorities, police were called to Buford T. Pusser’s farm shortly after midnight to investigate what Mr. Pusser described as “funny little horny moaning sounds” coming from behind his barnyard.
Earlier that evening while walking through his corn fields, Buford thought he saw what looked like a large fury creature dancing and drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels while singing Elvis Presley songs. Buford dismissed it as a hallucination as he also had coincidentally been drinking Jack Daniels since noon that day. “I seen that large bunny drinkin’ Jack Daniels,” said Buford, “but I’d so drunk by that time that I said, nah... tant no such thing as the Easter Bunny and decided it best I stop drinkin’ myself and put some pants on.”
Shortly thereafter, Buford apparently passed out in his barn but was awoken around midnight by the “funny little horny moaning sounds” and called the police. When officers arrived at the scene they found what appeared to be the Easter Bunny trying to get his groove on with a frightened, 21-year old bunny rabbit named Trixie. One officer recalled drawing his pitchfork from his holster while asking the suspect to identify itself to which the perpetrator replied, “I’m the freakin’ Easter Bunny, pal! Now if you don’t mind, I was just about to offer Trixie here my carrot and some jelly beans.”
Officers on the scene took the Easter Bunny into custody and shortly thereafter booked Mr. Bunny into Lincoln County Lockup where he is being held without bail. When asked how this might affect this year’s Easter, Sergeant Stadinko replied, “Gosh, I sure do hope the Easter Bunny can sober up and make bail in time for Easter cuz I sure do like gettin’ my Easter basket filled with them little Peeps and jelly beans.”