Rumor has it that the other day Austin hit a record of 40 days where the temperature reached 100 degrees and above. And as I write this, my head has just burst into flames.
Some people don't like it so hot but I say some really interesting things happen to people when they get hot and I'm not talking horny.
Take the other day for example. I was out at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, sitting in their lovely outdoor patio. I was enjoying a pitcher of margaritas with some friends and it was 120 degrees in the shade. A pack of guys at the table next to us, presumably in their 20's, were drinking in excess while smoking cigarettes and picking their zits.
One of the twenty something boys got up like he was going to hit the john when all of a sudden he burst into flames – self combusted right before my vary eyes. Mind you I've heard of Spontaneous Human Combustion (SHC) but I thought that it was just some sort of urban legend.
Shocked for only a second, my life saving instincts kicked into gear, probably from all my months of paramedics training at the Our Lady of the Light Lifesaving Academy, and I quickly threw my pitcher of margaritas onto the boy in flames in an attempt to put out the fire. Much to my horror and everyone else at the cantina, the alcohol in my pitcher of ritas only made zitboy's flames go higher. Oops.
While most people in a similar situation would panic and quickly ask for the check, I was determined to remedy my faux pas and put flameboy out once and for all. So, my karate training from Little Chico's Karate Chop House kicked into gear and I immediately dropkicked flameboy into the cantina's outdoor coy fish pond. I remember when he hit the water that it ironically sounded like sizzling fajitas.
Self-combusting, flaming zitboy had been saved and aside from being a bit frightened, confused and smelling like seasoned fajitas, he was going to be OK.
I was a hero and people bought me pitchers of margaritas and cigarettes although I don't smoke. My work here was done.
Was it the 120 degree heat or a case of SHC? I don't think we'll ever know. But this I do know, if you can't stand the heat of Austin, stay out of the cantina.