Hey Ladies - Tiger is Single
Itâ€™s official. Elin Nordegren and Tiger â€śIâ€™m really hornyâ€ť Woods are divorced. So ladiesâ€¦ if you felt left out because you were the only one Tiger didnâ€™t have an affair with, now is your chance.
As my millions of readers well know, I too had an affair with â€śWoodyâ€ť (my secret nickname for him). You can read about it here in case you missed it. But now Iâ€™m glad to know more women will no doubt be able to experience â€śThe Woodyâ€ť like I did.
Elin and Woody released a joint statement via their bloodsucking lawyers stating, â€śWe are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future.â€ť Uh, right. I have it from an extremely unreliable source that Swedish-born Elin has told her friends in her native tongue, â€śJag Ă¤r sĂĄ glad att jag inte behĂ¶ver gĂ¶ra korvmackor med crusts avskuren fĂ¶r den mannen lĂ¤ngre.â€ť Loosely translated it means, â€śI'm so glad I don't have to make bologna sandwiches with the crusts cut off for that man anymore.â€ť
As he and I were once lovers, I donâ€™t feel comfortable judging Woody but you have to admit there is something wrong with a man who is not satisfied with a hot, loving blonde from Sweden. Câ€™monâ€¦ seriously!
Erin, call me. And donâ€™t worryâ€¦ I hate bologna sandwiches but love Swedish meatballs.