In case you missed my "Today I Marry My Best Friend" article for a href="http://www.rareaustin.com/"Rare Magazine/a. Here it is:br /br /Whenever I leave my mailbox with a calligraphy-ridden envelope, I wonder who else is about to tie the knot. I wager in my head whether they will be marrying their best friend or not. I sift through the first layer of tissue, then the second, then the third layer, then flick off the rose pedals or whatever accent theyâve thrown in. Ahhh, there it is âToday I Marry my Best friendâ¦â Isnât that sweet? Gag, cough, cough, gag. Really? Youâre âbest friendâ. Really? Even if you truly believe it that you are marrying your best friend, I want you to REALLY think about just how much the sound of it causes a perfectly healthy human being to double over and revert to high school peppermint schnapps style yakking.br /br /Donât get me wrong. Iâm a romantic to a fault. I love the concept of marriage and believe in it wholeheartedly. However, to me there are such distinct differences between a friend and a lover, that I canât possibly see the two overlapping. br /br /Youâre wife is someone you bond with because of the good times, the special pleasure you bring to each other, the release of endorphins through love, affection and hiding egg shaped objects in each other. That⦠is not your best friend. When I reflect on my best friends through the years, it always comes back to the same thing, overcoming adversity and killing time by being destructive. This is where young men bond. I ask you, âAre these things you would do with your spouse?âbr /br /At about age 7, my best friend was Brian. Our time together involved a lot of fort building. We were fearless little criminals taking lots of risks stealing lumber and heading off into the woods with our dads tools. Iâm not sure what our obsession was with having a fort. I think our moms forced us outside all day and many of those days called for shelter. Although dangerous to imagine the engineering of 7 year olds, the productivity and focus of it kept us from burning bugs with magnifying glasses all day.br /br /At age 9 my best friend, another Brian, and I started getting into real trouble. A single mom was raising him so we had all kinds of freedom from the time school ended til his mom came home from work. We spent a lot of winter afternoons using water hoses to turn the snow to ice and build our own luge track. The Olympics were much more popular then and I recall the Germans dominating in â76. So, we would give each other names like Helmut and Gunther then wish Godspeed on each other as we rocketed down the hill. We werenât steering at all, we were merely passengers of death. Itâs amazing weâre still alive. Our fun usually ended with afternoons by say âHey Karl-Hans, your leg bone is sticking out!âbr /br /By age 11 my best friend was Jack. I introduced Jack to skateboarding. He introduced me to smoking and porn. I was at least able to quit smoking after Jack moved away. br /br /At 13 I had moved to Texas and my first friend was Robbie. He stood next to me in choir as we pretended we were altos, our voices were changing daily. Robbie taught me two of the dirtiest jokes I have ever heard and I will never forget. My favorite being âhow can you tell if your girlfriends horny?â Unfortunately, I canât tell you the punch line.br /br /Finally 16. When my friend Larry and I werenât discussing girls or music, we worked on cars. Larry and I spent many grueling hours lying on hot pavement working on Mustangs and Camaros. We did it out of pure necessity. We had to get from point A to point B. Our cars werenât very good at going or stopping and every dime we made in our restaurant job went into making our cars go faster. The stopping we werenât so worried about. I am again amazed that Iâm still alive. You wouldnât believe some of the contraptions I rode around in during high school. It wasnât uncommon to see Larry and I walking through town with car parts slung over our shoulder.br /br /My wife and I have been together for 13 years, married the last 10. I canât imagine her building a fort, burning bugs, doing homemade luge, smoking, sheâs never told me a dirty joke or a joke for that matter and she sure as hell has never worked on my car. I love her dearly but sheâs not my âbest friendâ. Address your invitations accordingly, just as we did.
In case you missed my "Today I Marry My Best Friend" article for Rare Magazine. Here it is:
Whenever I leave my mailbox with a calligraphy-ridden envelope, I wonder who else is about to tie the knot. I wager in my head whether they will be marrying their best friend or not. I sift through the first layer of tissue, then the second, then the third layer, then flick off the rose pedals or whatever accent theyâve thrown in. Ahhh, there it is âToday I Marry my Best friendâ¦â Isnât that sweet? Gag, cough, cough, gag. Really? Youâre âbest friendâ. Really? Even if you truly believe it that you are marrying your best friend, I want you to REALLY think about just how much the sound of it causes a perfectly healthy human being to double over and revert to high school peppermint schnapps style yakking.
Donât get me wrong. Iâm a romantic to a fault. I love the concept of marriage and believe in it wholeheartedly. However, to me there are such distinct differences between a friend and a lover, that I canât possibly see the two overlapping.
Youâre wife is someone you bond with because of the good times, the special pleasure you bring to each other, the release of endorphins through love, affection and hiding egg shaped objects in each other. That⦠is not your best friend. When I reflect on my best friends through the years, it always comes back to the same thing, overcoming adversity and killing time by being destructive. This is where young men bond. I ask you, âAre these things you would do with your spouse?â
At about age 7, my best friend was Brian. Our time together involved a lot of fort building. We were fearless little criminals taking lots of risks stealing lumber and heading off into the woods with our dads tools. Iâm not sure what our obsession was with having a fort. I think our moms forced us outside all day and many of those days called for shelter. Although dangerous to imagine the engineering of 7 year olds, the productivity and focus of it kept us from burning bugs with magnifying glasses all day.
At age 9 my best friend, another Brian, and I started getting into real trouble. A single mom was raising him so we had all kinds of freedom from the time school ended til his mom came home from work. We spent a lot of winter afternoons using water hoses to turn the snow to ice and build our own luge track. The Olympics were much more popular then and I recall the Germans dominating in â76. So, we would give each other names like Helmut and Gunther then wish Godspeed on each other as we rocketed down the hill. We werenât steering at all, we were merely passengers of death. Itâs amazing weâre still alive. Our fun usually ended with afternoons by say âHey Karl-Hans, your leg bone is sticking out!â
By age 11 my best friend was Jack. I introduced Jack to skateboarding. He introduced me to smoking and porn. I was at least able to quit smoking after Jack moved away.
At 13 I had moved to Texas and my first friend was Robbie. He stood next to me in choir as we pretended we were altos, our voices were changing daily. Robbie taught me two of the dirtiest jokes I have ever heard and I will never forget. My favorite being âhow can you tell if your girlfriends horny?â Unfortunately, I canât tell you the punch line.
Finally 16. When my friend Larry and I werenât discussing girls or music, we worked on cars. Larry and I spent many grueling hours lying on hot pavement working on Mustangs and Camaros. We did it out of pure necessity. We had to get from point A to point B. Our cars werenât very good at going or stopping and every dime we made in our restaurant job went into making our cars go faster. The stopping we werenât so worried about. I am again amazed that Iâm still alive. You wouldnât believe some of the contraptions I rode around in during high school. It wasnât uncommon to see Larry and I walking through town with car parts slung over our shoulder.
My wife and I have been together for 13 years, married the last 10. I canât imagine her building a fort, burning bugs, doing homemade luge, smoking, sheâs never told me a dirty joke or a joke for that matter and she sure as hell has never worked on my car. I love her dearly but sheâs not my âbest friendâ. Address your invitations accordingly, just as we did.
I can't believe it's already February. In case you missed it, here is the txt from my January article for a href="http://www.rareaustin.com/"Rare Magazine./a It will make you feel better if you have already stopped your new years resolutions of working out. If you want to see the magazine in PDF, including pics, click a href="http://issuu.com/raremagazine/docs/january2009"here:/adivbr //divdivbr /I just posted this ad on craigslist.br /br /Average adult white male looking for friends who want to share an average life.br /No sports. No running. No cycling. If you have a gym membership, need not apply. If you have a coach or take more than one vitamin, please move on. If in the past 24 hours you have made mention of your heart rate, metabolism, or body fat count, you are not for me.br /Do you ever find yourself sore from an evening of drinking, horseshoes, beer pong and general horseplay? You might be my new best friend. Please reply with all pertinent information, although Iâm dubious that such a person exist in Austin, Tx.br /br /O.k., I didnât really post this ad, but I am seriously considering firing all my friends and recruiting all new ones. Iâm not sure if itâs just my circle of friends or all of Austin is so fitness obsessed itâs ridiculous. Maybe I need to move to a less fit city. Houston is actually looking rather appealing, having been the top rated âfattest city in Americaâ in several recent years.br /br /Donât get me wrong. I like fitness. I only do it as a means to enjoy the finer things in life, like Stella Artois, Herradura or the holiday cheese Fiesta from Hickory Farms. It seems as if every year another close friend of mine becomes so fitness crazed they are about as fun as Al Gore at the Burning Man Festival. Itâs annoying. Itâs as if they have joined a cult. They lose all social skills and become little nutrition robots. Unless you are getting paid to do a sport, it should never define you. If you are known as Bob the Triathlete, and youâve never won a dollar doing it, someone needs to bludgeon you with a warhammer! br /br /Iâve come up with an official fitness freak loser test. Again, this does not apply to those who get paid for sport, purely amateurs. Answer yes or no to the following questions.br /br /1. My profile picture on myspace, facebook, etc⦠is me participating in a sport.br /2. I have a printed photo of myself larger than 5x7 participating in sports hanging in my house.br /3. I wonât have a beer the evening before a race although I typically come in somewhere after 3,000th place each year in the Capital 10k.br /4. I have used tape, lube or band aids to to prevent chaffing on my reproductive organs.br /5. I have a collection of my event number pin-onâs and or bracelets displayed somewhere in my home.br /6. I have talked to my nutritionist, coach and massage therapist all in the same day.br /7. I have a tattoo related to my sport of choice somewhere on my body.br /8. I am concerned about the color of my pee.br /9. I have turned down nookie because it was within 24 hrs of an event.br /10. I laugh at fitness infomercials instead of thinking âHey, the Pubic Shockerâmight be just what I need.br /br /If you answered no to all of these, I love you. You are my new best friend.br /If you answered yes to 1 or 2 of these, itâs good to see you are taking care of yourself. Drop a workout once in awhile and go tubing on the Guadalupe or something.br /If you answered yes to 3-5 of these, itâs really time to get yourself in check, stop wearing Pilates pants to lunch.br /If you answered yes to 6 or more, you are a sick F#@$. Get help a.s.a.p. You are annoying and no one wants be around you. Youâre probably too busy weighing your food or rubbing Tiger Balm on your ass to even read this.br /br /There was a time when I would have answered yes to more than 6 of these questions. What an annoying human being I must have been. Why didnât an innocent bystander beat me up? I could have used it. I am officially done sharing my athletic endeavors with innocent bystanders.br /br /The joke used to be on the guy who couldnât let go of his sports prowess in the past, much like Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite. Now I think the joke is on the adult who canât let go of their future accomplishments. No one cares if you are planning an Ironman, Iditarod and Base Jump in Dubai in January. WE DONâT CARE!!!!br /br /br /br //div
I can't believe it's already February. In case you missed it, here is the txt from my January article for Rare Magazine. It will make you feel better if you have already stopped your new years resolutions of working out. If you want to see the magazine in PDF, including pics, click here:
I just posted this ad on craigslist.
Average adult white male looking for friends who want to share an average life. No sports. No running. No cycling. If you have a gym membership, need not apply. If you have a coach or take more than one vitamin, please move on. If in the past 24 hours you have made mention of your heart rate, metabolism, or body fat count, you are not for me. Do you ever find yourself sore from an evening of drinking, horseshoes, beer pong and general horseplay? You might be my new best friend. Please reply with all pertinent information, although Iâm dubious that such a person exist in Austin, Tx.
O.k., I didnât really post this ad, but I am seriously considering firing all my friends and recruiting all new ones. Iâm not sure if itâs just my circle of friends or all of Austin is so fitness obsessed itâs ridiculous. Maybe I need to move to a less fit city. Houston is actually looking rather appealing, having been the top rated âfattest city in Americaâ in several recent years.
Donât get me wrong. I like fitness. I only do it as a means to enjoy the finer things in life, like Stella Artois, Herradura or the holiday cheese Fiesta from Hickory Farms. It seems as if every year another close friend of mine becomes so fitness crazed they are about as fun as Al Gore at the Burning Man Festival. Itâs annoying. Itâs as if they have joined a cult. They lose all social skills and become little nutrition robots. Unless you are getting paid to do a sport, it should never define you. If you are known as Bob the Triathlete, and youâve never won a dollar doing it, someone needs to bludgeon you with a warhammer!
Iâve come up with an official fitness freak loser test. Again, this does not apply to those who get paid for sport, purely amateurs. Answer yes or no to the following questions.
1. My profile picture on myspace, facebook, etc⦠is me participating in a sport. 2. I have a printed photo of myself larger than 5x7 participating in sports hanging in my house. 3. I wonât have a beer the evening before a race although I typically come in somewhere after 3,000th place each year in the Capital 10k. 4. I have used tape, lube or band aids to to prevent chaffing on my reproductive organs. 5. I have a collection of my event number pin-onâs and or bracelets displayed somewhere in my home. 6. I have talked to my nutritionist, coach and massage therapist all in the same day. 7. I have a tattoo related to my sport of choice somewhere on my body. 8. I am concerned about the color of my pee. 9. I have turned down nookie because it was within 24 hrs of an event. 10. I laugh at fitness infomercials instead of thinking âHey, the Pubic Shockerâmight be just what I need.
If you answered no to all of these, I love you. You are my new best friend. If you answered yes to 1 or 2 of these, itâs good to see you are taking care of yourself. Drop a workout once in awhile and go tubing on the Guadalupe or something. If you answered yes to 3-5 of these, itâs really time to get yourself in check, stop wearing Pilates pants to lunch. If you answered yes to 6 or more, you are a sick F#@$. Get help a.s.a.p. You are annoying and no one wants be around you. Youâre probably too busy weighing your food or rubbing Tiger Balm on your ass to even read this.
There was a time when I would have answered yes to more than 6 of these questions. What an annoying human being I must have been. Why didnât an innocent bystander beat me up? I could have used it. I am officially done sharing my athletic endeavors with innocent bystanders.
The joke used to be on the guy who couldnât let go of his sports prowess in the past, much like Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite. Now I think the joke is on the adult who canât let go of their future accomplishments. No one cares if you are planning an Ironman, Iditarod and Base Jump in Dubai in January. WE DONâT CARE!!!!
In case you missed the Dec issue of Rare Magazine, here is my article that ran regarding Christmas memories...divbr //divdivbr //divbr /âHoney, what do you want for Christmas? I donât know what to get you.â I donât think Iâve ever had a good answer to that question, since I was about 12 years old. Iâm a deeply scared adult male, but making up for it rapidly and vicariously through my child. Iâll explain.br /br /When I was a kid I would put deep, concentration into exactly what I wanted for Christmas. I remember as a young kid wanting things that would impress my friends, good solid conversation pieces. Itâs in guysâ blood to be competitive, be braggadocios and just plain show off. My parents, bless their hearts, just sort of âmissed the markâ as far as gifts went. Iâll admit, we were a family of modest means, but sometimes I wanted to show the other kids at elementary school that I had and âedgeâ. I recall some of those incidents when my parents not only missed the bullâs eye; the dart missed the board entirely, putting yet another hole in the wood paneling that was my ego. This is the story of why Iâve started spoiling my child.br /br /I distinctly recall the first thing I ever REALLY wanted. It was a skateboard. A killer one. It was the mid 70âs and the boom of the first extreme sport. Skateboarding magazine had just come out, guys were shredding abandoned swimming pools and empty half pipes. I wanted so badly to be a part of this culture. The technology of skateboards was booming at the time, but this was lost on my folks. That was the only thing I requested for Christmas that year. I would be ready to shred as soon as the snow melted in Kansas City the followig year. I remember opening that sadly wrapped skateboard, purchased at the local Ace Hardware store. It was a skinny board that said âGoofyfootâ on it. The thing had metal wheels! No lie. Do you remember the old metal skates that would strap around your shoes that were probably popular in the 50âs? I had the skateboard version of that, barely a generation above a Soap Box Car. Not exactly the envy of the neighborhood kids.br /br /It was amazing the power of a t.v. commercial back then. Apparently, fans of Gilliganâs Island, The Brady Bunch and The Beverly Hillbillies were prime targets for slot car racing. Iâll never forget the commercials for TCR, Total Control Racing. This was slot car racing with the ability to change lanes and pass on one section of the track. I was enamored with it. I was certain that the year had arrived that the TCR was going to be waiting for me under the tree. There was a race track that year, but not quite what I hoped for. It was, and Iâm not making this up, a Hot Wheels set. Age appropriate for a kid a good 5 years younger than me. The pieces of track were wonderful for abusing my sisters, but needed to be hidden when friends came over.br /br /The next thing I remember wanting badly was an electronic football game. Coleco had come out with amazing hand held game called Electronic Quarterback. It was really the first generation of what is now evolved into things like gameboy systems. Mobile coolness. It was pretty high tech for 1978. They had come out with the new version for two players called Head-to-Head Football for two players at once. This was very popular on my school bus rides home. It would turn into a tournaments and I needed to get better at this. I humbly put in my request that year. My mom, bless her heart, did her best, but got me Electric Football, which was a table sized football field. It was popular a good five years before that. You set up all your players on the field (a table), the opponent set up their, which were basically action figures and then you turned on the machine which was plugged in. The table would vibrate until your players fell down. It was ridiculous and even harder to play on the bus without electricity. Needless to say, I didnât make any new friends that year. br /br /The following year I had high expectations once again. Jam Boxes were huge that year. I donât mean huge as in âpopularâ, I mean they were HUGE. The bigger the better. Junior high was in full swing and there was nothing cooler than showing up to a track meet with a monster radio. John Herrera was the most popular kid in our school because he always had the latest, greatest jam box. I recall one he had that included a record player! He was a shot putter on the track team, so hauling it around was not an issue. I simply put âJam Boxâ on my wish list that year. I had distinctly different tastes in music from John and needed my own device. That year, I opened my Panasonic tape recorder. It in NO WAY resembled a Jam Box. I could have run the mile with it in my shorts. It would have come in handy if I was dictating legalese, but unfortunately on a 7th grade education, not necessary. br /br /Have you noticed the common thread? Iâve been chronically 5 years behind the rest of the world for my entire life. Donât misunderstand me. Iâm not complaining. Iâm merely doing some soul searching as to why Iâm overcompensating now. Do you think itâs a bit odd I bought my daughter a computer when she was a fetus, I have a car waiting for her in the driveway and sheâs just learning to read, and Iâve already booked her on a commercial flight to the moon.
In case you missed the Dec issue of Rare Magazine, here is my article that ran regarding Christmas memories...
âHoney, what do you want for Christmas? I donât know what to get you.â I donât think Iâve ever had a good answer to that question, since I was about 12 years old. Iâm a deeply scared adult male, but making up for it rapidly and vicariously through my child. Iâll explain.
When I was a kid I would put deep, concentration into exactly what I wanted for Christmas. I remember as a young kid wanting things that would impress my friends, good solid conversation pieces. Itâs in guysâ blood to be competitive, be braggadocios and just plain show off. My parents, bless their hearts, just sort of âmissed the markâ as far as gifts went. Iâll admit, we were a family of modest means, but sometimes I wanted to show the other kids at elementary school that I had and âedgeâ. I recall some of those incidents when my parents not only missed the bullâs eye; the dart missed the board entirely, putting yet another hole in the wood paneling that was my ego. This is the story of why Iâve started spoiling my child.
I distinctly recall the first thing I ever REALLY wanted. It was a skateboard. A killer one. It was the mid 70âs and the boom of the first extreme sport. Skateboarding magazine had just come out, guys were shredding abandoned swimming pools and empty half pipes. I wanted so badly to be a part of this culture. The technology of skateboards was booming at the time, but this was lost on my folks. That was the only thing I requested for Christmas that year. I would be ready to shred as soon as the snow melted in Kansas City the followig year. I remember opening that sadly wrapped skateboard, purchased at the local Ace Hardware store. It was a skinny board that said âGoofyfootâ on it. The thing had metal wheels! No lie. Do you remember the old metal skates that would strap around your shoes that were probably popular in the 50âs? I had the skateboard version of that, barely a generation above a Soap Box Car. Not exactly the envy of the neighborhood kids.
It was amazing the power of a t.v. commercial back then. Apparently, fans of Gilliganâs Island, The Brady Bunch and The Beverly Hillbillies were prime targets for slot car racing. Iâll never forget the commercials for TCR, Total Control Racing. This was slot car racing with the ability to change lanes and pass on one section of the track. I was enamored with it. I was certain that the year had arrived that the TCR was going to be waiting for me under the tree. There was a race track that year, but not quite what I hoped for. It was, and Iâm not making this up, a Hot Wheels set. Age appropriate for a kid a good 5 years younger than me. The pieces of track were wonderful for abusing my sisters, but needed to be hidden when friends came over.
The next thing I remember wanting badly was an electronic football game. Coleco had come out with amazing hand held game called Electronic Quarterback. It was really the first generation of what is now evolved into things like gameboy systems. Mobile coolness. It was pretty high tech for 1978. They had come out with the new version for two players called Head-to-Head Football for two players at once. This was very popular on my school bus rides home. It would turn into a tournaments and I needed to get better at this. I humbly put in my request that year. My mom, bless her heart, did her best, but got me Electric Football, which was a table sized football field. It was popular a good five years before that. You set up all your players on the field (a table), the opponent set up their, which were basically action figures and then you turned on the machine which was plugged in. The table would vibrate until your players fell down. It was ridiculous and even harder to play on the bus without electricity. Needless to say, I didnât make any new friends that year.
The following year I had high expectations once again. Jam Boxes were huge that year. I donât mean huge as in âpopularâ, I mean they were HUGE. The bigger the better. Junior high was in full swing and there was nothing cooler than showing up to a track meet with a monster radio. John Herrera was the most popular kid in our school because he always had the latest, greatest jam box. I recall one he had that included a record player! He was a shot putter on the track team, so hauling it around was not an issue. I simply put âJam Boxâ on my wish list that year. I had distinctly different tastes in music from John and needed my own device. That year, I opened my Panasonic tape recorder. It in NO WAY resembled a Jam Box. I could have run the mile with it in my shorts. It would have come in handy if I was dictating legalese, but unfortunately on a 7th grade education, not necessary.
Have you noticed the common thread? Iâve been chronically 5 years behind the rest of the world for my entire life. Donât misunderstand me. Iâm not complaining. Iâm merely doing some soul searching as to why Iâm overcompensating now. Do you think itâs a bit odd I bought my daughter a computer when she was a fetus, I have a car waiting for her in the driveway and sheâs just learning to read, and Iâve already booked her on a commercial flight to the moon.
The following is an article I wrote for a href="http://www.rareaustin.com/"Rare Magazine/a for the Sept. Film issue. On stands at your favorite local boutiques and restaurants is the new "Food Issue".  Check out a href="http://www.rareaustin.com/"www.rareaustin.com/a for information on Restaurant week. divbr //divdiv______________/divdivbr //divdivbr //divMike Judge was dead on when he predicted the dumbing down of America in his film âIdiocracy.â He predicted that eventually the number one show will be âAwww, my Ballsâ and the Oscar winning film will be called âAssâ. The single reason we are bottom feeders for entertainment is the one and only YOUTUBE.br /br /Youtube is single handedly destroying films and civilization. I can prove it. I am going to start out on an indisputably pure subject and show you how quickly things fall apart. I log onto Youtube and search Mother Teresa, great philanthropist and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.br /br /(Search) Mother Teresabr /The first video to catch my attention was video footage from a Mother Teresa documentary put to the U2 song âGraceâ. Watching it I learned two thingsâ¦Bono didnât always wear sunglasses and I will mentally remove Calcutta from my âplaces to visit before I dieâ list.br /42,794 viewsbr /br /(Related Video) U2 Angel of Harlembr /I felt the guilts for not staying on the Mother Teresa route. Youtube suggested more footage from documentaries about her, but I was ready to move on. Between Mother Teresa and Bono I was feeling pretty worthless. I napped most of the day and drank beer. Again, itâs weird to see Bonoâs eyes. 157,662 viewsbr /br /(Related Video) John Stevens â King of the Roadbr /Of course, many U2 video suggestions came up, but the one that compelled me to click was John Stevens singing âKing of the Roadâ. Remember John Stevens? The red headed crooner from season 3 of American Idol. Not only did he forget one of the lines on this performance, he lost to Fantasia! Loser. 24,958 viewsbr /br /(Related video) best tricks of KING OF THE ROADbr /Of course itâs inevitable that youtube take you to a skater video. Here it is in 3 moves from Mother Teresa! Iâm a sucker for good skate vids. This is a killer one. It has a naked skater, a couple of face plants, tattoos and thrashing tunes. Big props to them for not including a guy accidentally straddling a hand rail. 110,011 viewsbr /br /br /(Related Video) College Booty Shakebr /This is a webcam quality video of two college age girls doing a booty shake. If you are not familiar with Booty Shaking, itâs a type of dancing common among strippers. Itâs fairly sexy and exotic on both African American and Latin women. White women think they can do it, but look more as if they are suffering from hypothermia. The objective with booty shaking is act as if you are standing on a surfboard, but only move your butt up and down. This video in particular is more focused on the two girls making out, a common theme on Youtube.br /Views: 406,986br /br /I have clicked on every single related video and they are all girls booty shaking. Many of them have over one million views. Itâs impossible to leave this subject. This experiment is officially over!br /br /Once you jump into booty shaking, itâs impossible to leave. Who are they making these videoâs for? Their boyfriends? Their girlfriends? I canât tell. There are some common threads with the booty shake vids. They are usually shot in a cluttered bedroom. There are usually two or more girls, the beefier one seems to always be initiating things. I think the beefy girls are using the skinny girls for web hits and attention. However, I donât think the skinny girls would make this video alone, so I should really be thanking the fat one. âThank you fat girl!âbr /br /We went from Mother Teresa to girls shaking it in your face in a measly 4 moves. What does that say about us and our society? The shear number of hits with skateboarding and booty shake videos are staggering. Any aspiring filmmaker who wants to take a cue from this should be developing a script staring Tony Hawk and Kim Kardashian. Itâs a runaway hit.br /br /Who needs mega box office smash hits staring pretty people like Will Smith or Angelina Jolie? Besides, I was tired of films set âBefore civilization beganâ or âAfter it endedâ⦠in middle Earth or outer space anyway.br /Bring on the booty and bust an olie for me. My 8 bucks for the movie ticket is all yours.
The following is an article I wrote for Rare Magazine for the Sept. Film issue. On stands at your favorite local boutiques and restaurants is the new "Food Issue".  Check out www.rareaustin.com for information on Restaurant week.Â
______________
Mike Judge was dead on when he predicted the dumbing down of America in his film âIdiocracy.â He predicted that eventually the number one show will be âAwww, my Ballsâ and the Oscar winning film will be called âAssâ. The single reason we are bottom feeders for entertainment is the one and only YOUTUBE.
Youtube is single handedly destroying films and civilization. I can prove it. I am going to start out on an indisputably pure subject and show you how quickly things fall apart. I log onto Youtube and search Mother Teresa, great philanthropist and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.
(Search) Mother Teresa The first video to catch my attention was video footage from a Mother Teresa documentary put to the U2 song âGraceâ. Watching it I learned two thingsâ¦Bono didnât always wear sunglasses and I will mentally remove Calcutta from my âplaces to visit before I dieâ list. 42,794 views
(Related Video) U2 Angel of Harlem I felt the guilts for not staying on the Mother Teresa route. Youtube suggested more footage from documentaries about her, but I was ready to move on. Between Mother Teresa and Bono I was feeling pretty worthless. I napped most of the day and drank beer. Again, itâs weird to see Bonoâs eyes. 157,662 views
(Related Video) John Stevens â King of the Road Of course, many U2 video suggestions came up, but the one that compelled me to click was John Stevens singing âKing of the Roadâ. Remember John Stevens? The red headed crooner from season 3 of American Idol. Not only did he forget one of the lines on this performance, he lost to Fantasia! Loser. 24,958 views
(Related video) best tricks of KING OF THE ROAD Of course itâs inevitable that youtube take you to a skater video. Here it is in 3 moves from Mother Teresa! Iâm a sucker for good skate vids. This is a killer one. It has a naked skater, a couple of face plants, tattoos and thrashing tunes. Big props to them for not including a guy accidentally straddling a hand rail. 110,011 views
(Related Video) College Booty Shake This is a webcam quality video of two college age girls doing a booty shake. If you are not familiar with Booty Shaking, itâs a type of dancing common among strippers. Itâs fairly sexy and exotic on both African American and Latin women. White women think they can do it, but look more as if they are suffering from hypothermia. The objective with booty shaking is act as if you are standing on a surfboard, but only move your butt up and down. This video in particular is more focused on the two girls making out, a common theme on Youtube. Views: 406,986
I have clicked on every single related video and they are all girls booty shaking. Many of them have over one million views. Itâs impossible to leave this subject. This experiment is officially over!
Once you jump into booty shaking, itâs impossible to leave. Who are they making these videoâs for? Their boyfriends? Their girlfriends? I canât tell. There are some common threads with the booty shake vids. They are usually shot in a cluttered bedroom. There are usually two or more girls, the beefier one seems to always be initiating things. I think the beefy girls are using the skinny girls for web hits and attention. However, I donât think the skinny girls would make this video alone, so I should really be thanking the fat one. âThank you fat girl!â
We went from Mother Teresa to girls shaking it in your face in a measly 4 moves. What does that say about us and our society? The shear number of hits with skateboarding and booty shake videos are staggering. Any aspiring filmmaker who wants to take a cue from this should be developing a script staring Tony Hawk and Kim Kardashian. Itâs a runaway hit.
Who needs mega box office smash hits staring pretty people like Will Smith or Angelina Jolie? Besides, I was tired of films set âBefore civilization beganâ or âAfter it endedâ⦠in middle Earth or outer space anyway. Bring on the booty and bust an olie for me. My 8 bucks for the movie ticket is all yours.
I imagine that most students today are tired of hearing how hard it âused to beâ. âWe didnât have computers, the internet, blah, blah, blahâ. Iâll admit. I fantasize about what it would be like to be in college today. Could you imagine the possibilites? If you are about my age, you remember that we didnât have cell phones and we would sign up for computer lab just to write a paper. Now, your syllabus and class notes are all online. Your fellow students are easy to track down via myspace and facebook. Answers are just a google search away and getting laid is just a few flirty text messages in front of you. Itâs the best of both worlds, your school work is easier and your social life it lined up for you online. Right?
Wrong! Iâve come full circle on my opinion of students today. You guys have it rough. Much harder than any of us could imagine. I really started thinking about all of the things that are out there to distract you from your studies. I realize that had those things been at my disposal when I was a student, accomplishing anything would be impossible. I was a bad enough student back in the day. To try to pull it off today⦠impossible.
Letâs start with all the distractions on your phone. The more and more phones become like computers, the more trouble youâre in. The time wasting, the web browsing. I canât imagine how much time the average student spends text messaging with their friends. Email is becoming the standard on a phone/pda. When are you ever alone? Never. Youâre always a buzzing phone away from catching up on gossip or being invited out with friends. To me, the biggest distraction from being a good student would be text message flirting. I would have been ALL OVER THIS. Thank goodness Iâm now old enough, married and have some success at managing my libido. At 21, it would have been GAME ON. If any girls were foolish enough to give me their cell phone numbers, the text message flirting would have started at about 6pm and not quit until I found one of them at at a bar having had too much to drink. Vodka and text messaging are a wonderful and amazing combination, but bad for studying.
T.V. has hit a whole new level of preoccupation. I donât recall television being that big of a factor as I was growing up. It was nice, sometimes entertaining, but it didnât posses all the guilty pleasures it does today. Everyone I know has at least one guilty pleasure reality show. Have you noticed how many of these shows are targeted right at high school and college students? Back in the day I had to have my fill of Letterman or SNL, but these days, who canât fall victim to a marathon of The Hills, Miami Ink, The Girls Next Door, Americaâs Next Top Model, Celebrity Intervention, Rock of Love or I Love New York? T.V. has gotten so meaningless and trashy, but undeniably pleasurable, definitely a distraction from Biology.
I donât even know where to start with computers. I think we all know what a huge diversion they are to every day living. Weâre all lead to believe that this might be the greatest, most essential tool for a student today, but itâs probably the opposite. I think back to the people and ran around with in college. Had they had the internet at their disposal like students today, most of them would have never graduated. I would say that at least a quarter of them would have quit going to class and took up day trading full time. Another quarter would have been too tired to go to class because they were up all night gambling online. Another twenty five percent of the people I knew in college would have been starting an online business of some sort, in an effort to get rich quick. The rest of the guys I knew would have been addicted to internet porn and never left the house. Think about that the next time you set foot in an all-male dorm.
My point is. Think about how much time you waste with your phone, television and computers. Imagine having that pressure when you were a student. Throw on top of that the same distractions we had when we were student, primarily alcohol and sex. You still have the age old pressures of Cain and Ables, Posse East and Sixth Street. How does anyone ever make it to class or how does a research paper ever get written?
I commend any of you that are reading this and able to focus on your studies long enough to make the grades. I really donât know how you do it. There are far too many distractions in day to day life for ANY student to ever succeed. In fact, any student who is completely able to focus on their studies gives me the creeps. There must be something wrong with you because our technological advances are just plain fun, dirty and time wasting! Next time you are thinking about studying a little English literature, instead try a little myspace, facebook, jump on ebay. When you research paper is due Psych class, instead see whatâs up on linkedin, Perez Hilton, or punch up a quick âcasual encounterâ on Craiglist. Got lab or group study time? Fire up the Playstation or Wii.
If any of you students are getting a hard time and a lecture from your parents about how easy you have it and how it âused to beâ, try this. Grab you mom by the arm, march her over the computer and take her to smartbargains.com or even worse, neimanmarcus.com and ask her if she could focus on reading a chapter of Anthropology. If your dad gives you the same grief, grab him by the ear, pull him over to the computer and show him youporn.com and ask him âDid you have THIS when you were in school?â I think they theyâll understand.
divBelow is my September article for a href="http://www.rareaustin.com"Rare Magazine. /a/divdivenjoy... jb/divdivbr //divI imagine that most students today are tired of hearing how hard it âused to beâ. âWe didnât have computers, the internet, blah, blah, blahâ. Iâll admit. I fantasize about what it would be like to be in college today. Could you imagine the possibilites? If you are about my age, you remember that we didnât have cell phones and we would sign up for computer lab just to write a paper. Now, your syllabus and class notes are all online. Your fellow students are easy to track down via myspace and facebook. Answers are just a google search away and getting laid is just a few flirty text messages in front of you. Itâs the best of both worlds, your school work is easier and your social life it lined up for you online. Right?br /br /Wrong! Iâve come full circle on my opinion of students today. You guys have it rough. Much harder than any of us could imagine. I really started thinking about all of the things that are out there to distract you from your studies. I realize that had those things been at my disposal when I was a student, accomplishing anything would be impossible. I was a bad enough student back in the day. To try to pull it off today⦠impossible.br /br /Letâs start with all the distractions on your phone. The more and more phones become like computers, the more trouble youâre in. The time wasting, the web browsing. I canât imagine how much time the average student spends text messaging with their friends. Email is becoming the standard on a phone/pda. When are you ever alone? Never. Youâre always a buzzing phone away from catching up on gossip or being invited out with friends. To me, the biggest distraction from being a good student would be text message flirting. I would have been ALL OVER THIS. Thank goodness Iâm now old enough, married and have some success at managing my libido. At 21, it would have been GAME ON. If any girls were foolish enough to give me their cell phone numbers, the text message flirting would have started at about 6pm and not quit until I found one of them at at a bar having had too much to drink. Vodka and text messaging are a wonderful and amazing combination, but bad for studying.br /br /T.V. has hit a whole new level of preoccupation. I donât recall television being that big of a factor as I was growing up. It was nice, sometimes entertaining, but it didnât posses all the guilty pleasures it does today. Everyone I know has at least one guilty pleasure reality show. Have you noticed how many of these shows are targeted right at high school and college students? Back in the day I had to have my fill of Letterman or SNL, but these days, who canât fall victim to a marathon of The Hills, Miami Ink, The Girls Next Door, Americaâs Next Top Model, Celebrity Intervention, Rock of Love or I Love New York? T.V. has gotten so meaningless and trashy, but undeniably pleasurable, definitely a distraction from Biology.br /br /I donât even know where to start with computers. I think we all know what a huge diversion they are to every day living. Weâre all lead to believe that this might be the greatest, most essential tool for a student today, but itâs probably the opposite. I think back to the people and ran around with in college. Had they had the internet at their disposal like students today, most of them would have never graduated. I would say that at least a quarter of them would have quit going to class and took up day trading full time. Another quarter would have been too tired to go to class because they were up all night gambling online. Another twenty five percent of the people I knew in college would have been starting an online business of some sort, in an effort to get rich quick. The rest of the guys I knew would have been addicted to internet porn and never left the house. Think about that the next time you set foot in an all-male dorm.br /br /My point is. Think about how much time you waste with your phone, television and computers. Imagine having that pressure when you were a student. Throw on top of that the same distractions we had when we were student, primarily alcohol and sex. You still have the age old pressures of Cain and Ables, Posse East and Sixth Street. How does anyone ever make it to class or how does a research paper ever get written?br /br /I commend any of you that are reading this and able to focus on your studies long enough to make the grades. I really donât know how you do it. There are far too many distractions in day to day life for ANY student to ever succeed. In fact, any student who is completely able to focus on their studies gives me the creeps. There must be something wrong with you because our technological advances are just plain fun, dirty and time wasting! Next time you are thinking about studying a little English literature, instead try a little myspace, facebook, jump on ebay. When you research paper is due Psych class, instead see whatâs up on linkedin, Perez Hilton, or punch up a quick âcasual encounterâ on Craiglist. Got lab or group study time? Fire up the Playstation or Wii.br /br /If any of you students are getting a hard time and a lecture from your parents about how easy you have it and how it âused to beâ, try this. Grab you mom by the arm, march her over the computer and take her to smartbargains.com or even worse, neimanmarcus.com and ask her if she could focus on reading a chapter of Anthropology. If your dad gives you the same grief, grab him by the ear, pull him over to the computer and show him youporn.com and ask him âDid you have THIS when you were in school?â I think they theyâll understand.
div style="text-align: center;"Tolly, our 5th banana. a href="http://thataustingirl.blogspot.com/"http://thataustingirl.blogspot.com/a/divdivbr //diva onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dHmav2z1o1o/SNeeeLPu4lI/AAAAAAAAEW0/owbXZfzr7No/s1600-h/CIMG3285.jpg"img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dHmav2z1o1o/SNeeeLPu4lI/AAAAAAAAEW0/owbXZfzr7No/s200/CIMG3285.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5248838131975643730" //adiv style="text-align: center;"Dr. Bob was our guest again today. He's always great on the radio. Check him out at a href="http://www.westlakeplasticsurgery.com/"www.westlakeplasticsurgery.com/abr //divdivbr /a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dHmav2z1o1o/SNeeeEYyWdI/AAAAAAAAEW8/rdu0SQf8hhI/s1600-h/CIMG3284.jpg"img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dHmav2z1o1o/SNeeeEYyWdI/AAAAAAAAEW8/rdu0SQf8hhI/s200/CIMG3284.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5248838130134571474" //abr //div
It's been over a year now that I've been writing for a href="http://rareaustin.com/v2/index.php"Rare Magazine./a Congratulations to them for the continued success and growth. It's quite evident every single month that more and more of you are reading it. Subscribe today a href="http://rareaustin.com/v2/subscribe.php"here:/abr /br /Grab the July issue out today. I wrote about Douchebag guys in their 20's. I originally titled it "ode to Bobby Bones". I think you will see why when you read the issue.br /br /Here is what I wrote for the June Austin Neighborhoods issue:br /br /p class="MsoNormal"strongspan style="font-weight: normal;font-size:10;" Am I cool enough to live in my own city? st1:place st="on"st1:city st="on"Austin/st1:city/st1:placeâs âhip factorâ has spun out of control and finding a neighborhood where you fit in is getting tougher and tougher.o:p/o:p/span/strong/p p class="MsoNormal"strongspan style="font-weight: normal;font-size:10;" I am going to attempt something that is probably going to upset a lot of people. I am going to attempt to rank st1:city st="on"st1:place st="on"Austin/st1:place/st1:cityâs Coolest Neighborhoods. I imagine anyone that lives in one of these neighborhoods might be a little too close to this subject. I think there are a lot of hip, eclectic neighborhoods in central st1:city st="on"st1:place st="on"Austin/st1:place/st1:city that are difficult to define. Let this be a newcomers guide to quirky things us long time Austinites are well aware of.o:p/o:p/span/strong/p p class="MsoNormal"strongspan style="font-weight: normal;font-size:10;" There are many surveys out there that rank neighborhoods on crime, schools, parks, levels of educations, etc⦠Not me. Iâm going for pure hipness. Iâm not saying Iâm the most in vogue, trendsetter this town has to offer, but I know it when I see it. I love this city and Iâm offering my time and knowledge to rank Austin Coolest neighborhoods for you. o:p/o:p/span/strong/p p class="MsoNormal"strongspan style="font-weight: normal;font-size:10;" o:p /o:p/span/strongspan style="font-size:10;"10 st1:place st="on"Tarrytown/st1:placeo:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"Everyone that lives in st1:place st="on"Tarrytown/st1:place bitches about the mosquitoâs. Once your McMansion was built there shouldnât be enough yard to have a run in with bugs, quit your bitchin. Big props to T-town for having a strip center owner with the sack to ban meat and leather. I admire the owner for putting her ethics before the almighty dollar. I can cross mopac to get my cabrito, leather belts and boots. Iâll switch to salads, suspenders and aqua socks!o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p9 st1:place st="on"Hyde Park/st1:placeo:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"When I was in college, I rented in st1:place st="on"Hyde Park/st1:place and always dreamed of living there. This was where hippieville used to thrive. It was the hub of the co-op mentality, the birth of organic, commuting on bikes, buying local etc⦠And then a bunch of yuppies have come in and Pottery Barned the hell out of it. Quit making it so damn pretty. A porch swing should be rusty, not bedazzled. HP has slipped down my list over the years, but still hangs on to the top ten because musicians are still renting all the garage apartments. Does Mike still have notes posted all over st1:place st="on"Hyde Park/st1:place gym like âif your pee pee is too short, please sit down to peeâ. Classic.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p8 East st1:city st="on"st1:place st="on"Austin/st1:place/st1:cityo:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"I love so many things about st1:place st="on"East Austin/st1:place I donât have the time and space to mention it all. I love the authentic, inexpensive restaurants. I love the neighborhood bars. I love some of the interesting business concepts like Arturoâs Piñataâs y Moffles (mufflers). If you count the trailers serving food and frozen novelites, this neighborhood has to have more restaurants per capita than anywhere else in the city. I just hope the gringoâs moving in there embrace itâs current culture and donât try to change it. o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p7 Clarksville/West Endo:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"This gets my strongest bid for folks who love location. Everything in this area seems packed in and there are cars everywhere. Either everyone owns about 5 cars apiece or every one of them has offered to house a starving musicianâ¦and his van. I get frustrated with Texans for opting for pure square footage. Itâs an ego trip or something. This area is the antithesis of that. They are willing to give up space for location. This is one of the few areas not being torn to the ground for a rebuild⦠and they are not afraid to use outrageous exterior colors or cement bicycles or armadillos to the side of their house. Because of the UT housing in close proximity, you kids might come home speaking Chinese or Russian. Diversity at itâs best.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p6 Westlake/Rollingwoodo:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"This neighborhood is great if you can tolerate all the political unrest. If only Bob Marley was here to get new and old to shake hands. Iâve learned to appreciate the naturalscape and applaud their efforts to keep it a place that could burst into flames at any moment. I love how the deer just stand there and stare at you as if to say âGo ahead, Iâm gonna eff up your Cayenne S and my life sucks anywayâ¦Iâd flip you off but I got a damn hoofâ. This neighborhood gets props for being more liberal, interesting and eclectic than anyone realizes. Too bad none of the neighbors come within 100 ft of each other.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p5 st1:city st="on"st1:place st="on"Highland Park/st1:place/st1:city West/Balconeso:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"The ONLY thing stopping this neighborhood from numero uno is location and the fact they have to use Mopac to get anywhere. Iâm a sucker for well built cool architecture from the 50âs and 60âs and there are some real gems in this hood. I love the mix of young families with bikes, trikes and tree swings in the yard, next to memaw and peepaw making a run to the dumpster with the dirty Depends. Itâs one of the least pretentious neighborhoods in the city and I love that so many of them are preserving some of the old school integrity in their homes, although Iâve seen some of my favorite mid-century homes get bulldozed to the ground in a day. Shame on you!o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p/spana name="south-neighborhoods"/aspan style="font-size:10;"4 Barton st1:personname st="on"Hill/st1:personnameso:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"When I bought my last house, Barton st1:personname st="on"Hill/st1:personnames was my first choice. Problem is, no one ever leaves so thereâs rarely much on the market. I love that there seems to be no social class there. Doesnât matter how big your house is or what you do for a living. I imagine people having real interesting conversations about real things that matter. I also love that this neighborhood is where all the broken pets seem to have been adopted (one eye, missing leg, perhaps a stutter). My only beef with Barton st1:personname st="on"Hill/st1:personnames is that everyone spends their entire paycheck at REI. Too many pockets, backpacks, fanny packs, adventure caps, canteens and compasses. Itâs creepy.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p3 South Congress/South Lamaro:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"When I first moved to st1:city st="on"st1:place st="on"Austin/st1:place/st1:city this was flat our hookerville. Many st1:state st="on"st1:place st="on"Texas/st1:plac
e/st1:state politicians are quite sad this area has been cleaned up. They donât know what to do when in town for legislature anymore. This area is filled with 30 somethings who apparently donât have to be anywhere at any certain time⦠EVER. Their days are filled with coffee shop visits and vintage store browsing. Driving through this neighborhood area it is apparent that everyone is a bike messenger or aspires to be one. So will someone, for the life of me, tell me how they can all afford 500,000 dollar homes. Big props to those who havenât sold out to builders and are hanging onto those 800 sq. ft. homes. Without you, this neighborhood would be ruined by all the newbies.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:p2 Bouldin Creeko:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"This area just oozes cool. They are in for trouble though. The home prices and new modern homes are going to bring in a ton of people who âthink they are coolâ and they are going to dork it all up. The art to living in this neighborhood the right way is spending as little as you can on; cars, landscaping, personal hygiene, haircuts, or clothing. If you are going to spend money, spend it on; music fests, piercings, tats, hemp clothing and Eastern medicine. No one in Bouldin works for the st1:state st="on"st1:place st="on"Man./st1:place/st1:state I admire that.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"a name="southwest-neighborhoods"/aa name="east-neighborhoods"/a1 st1:place st="on"st1:placename st="on"Travis/st1:placename st1:placename st="on"Heights/st1:placename/st1:placeo:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"I have always wanted to live in this neighborhood but Iâm afraid I would never fit in since I donât have a Kiln. Itâs very popular to be a white person with dreadlocks and to look as if you are heading to or from a Renaissance festival. Congratulations on spending more annually on the health of your trees than on yourself. Thereâs a difference between being âCoolâ to attract attention or just âBeing Coolâ. st1:placename st="on"Travis/st1:placename st1:placename st="on"Heights/st1:placename is the latter and thatâs why itâs my pic for st1:place st="on"st1:city st="on"Austin/st1:city/st1:placeâs Coolest Neighboorhood 2008. Too bad I canât even afford to rent your detached studio.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"o:p /o:pHonorable mentions⦠neighborhoods on the rise.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"span style="font-size:10;"Downtown, Crestview, st1:place st="on"North Loop/st1:place.o:p/o:p/span/p p class="MsoNormal"br /br //p
It's been over a year now that I've been writing for Rare Magazine. Congratulations to them for the continued success and growth. It's quite evident every single month that more and more of you are reading it. Subscribe today here:
Grab the July issue out today. I wrote about Douchebag guys in their 20's. I originally titled it "ode to Bobby Bones". I think you will see why when you read the issue.
Here is what I wrote for the June Austin Neighborhoods issue:
Am I cool enough to live in my own city? Austinâs âhip factorâ has spun out of control and finding a neighborhood where you fit in is getting tougher and tougher.
I am going to attempt something that is probably going to upset a lot of people. I am going to attempt to rank Austinâs Coolest Neighborhoods. I imagine anyone that lives in one of these neighborhoods might be a little too close to this subject. I think there are a lot of hip, eclectic neighborhoods in central Austin that are difficult to define. Let this be a newcomers guide to quirky things us long time Austinites are well aware of.
There are many surveys out there that rank neighborhoods on crime, schools, parks, levels of educations, etc⦠Not me. Iâm going for pure hipness. Iâm not saying Iâm the most in vogue, trendsetter this town has to offer, but I know it when I see it. I love this city and Iâm offering my time and knowledge to rank Austin Coolest neighborhoods for you.
10 Tarrytown
Everyone that lives in Tarrytown bitches about the mosquitoâs. Once your McMansion was built there shouldnât be enough yard to have a run in with bugs, quit your bitchin. Big props to T-town for having a strip center owner with the sack to ban meat and leather. I admire the owner for putting her ethics before the almighty dollar. I can cross mopac to get my cabrito, leather belts and boots. Iâll switch to salads, suspenders and aqua socks!
9 Hyde Park
When I was in college, I rented in Hyde Park and always dreamed of living there. This was where hippieville used to thrive. It was the hub of the co-op mentality, the birth of organic, commuting on bikes, buying local etc⦠And then a bunch of yuppies have come in and Pottery Barned the hell out of it. Quit making it so damn pretty. A porch swing should be rusty, not bedazzled. HP has slipped down my list over the years, but still hangs on to the top ten because musicians are still renting all the garage apartments. Does Mike still have notes posted all over Hyde Park gym like âif your pee pee is too short, please sit down to peeâ. Classic.
8 East Austin
I love so many things about East Austin I donât have the time and space to mention it all. I love the authentic, inexpensive restaurants. I love the neighborhood bars. I love some of the interesting business concepts like Arturoâs Piñataâs y Moffles (mufflers). If you count the trailers serving food and frozen novelites, this neighborhood has to have more restaurants per capita than anywhere else in the city. I just hope the gringoâs moving in there embrace itâs current culture and donât try to change it.
7 Clarksville/West End
This gets my strongest bid for folks who love location. Everything in this area seems packed in and there are cars everywhere. Either everyone owns about 5 cars apiece or every one of them has offered to house a starving musicianâ¦and his van. I get frustrated with Texans for opting for pure square footage. Itâs an ego trip or something. This area is the antithesis of that. They are willing to give up space for location. This is one of the few areas not being torn to the ground for a rebuild⦠and they are not afraid to use outrageous exterior colors or cement bicycles or armadillos to the side of their house. Because of the UT housing in close proximity, you kids might come home speaking Chinese or Russian. Diversity at itâs best.
6 Westlake/Rollingwood
This neighborhood is great if you can tolerate all the political unrest. If only Bob Marley was here to get new and old to shake hands. Iâve learned to appreciate the naturalscape and applaud their efforts to keep it a place that could burst into flames at any moment. I love how the deer just stand there and stare at you as if to say âGo ahead, Iâm gonna eff up your Cayenne S and my life sucks anywayâ¦Iâd flip you off but I got a damn hoofâ. This neighborhood gets props for being more liberal, interesting and eclectic than anyone realizes. Too bad none of the neighbors come within 100 ft of each other.
5 Highland Park West/Balcones
The ONLY thing stopping this neighborhood from numero uno is location and the fact they have to use Mopac to get anywhere. Iâm a sucker for well built cool architecture from the 50âs and 60âs and there are some real gems in this hood. I love the mix of young families with bikes, trikes and tree swings in the yard, next to memaw and peepaw making a run to the dumpster with the dirty Depends. Itâs one of the least pretentious neighborhoods in the city and I love that so many of them are preserving some of the old school integrity in their homes, although Iâve seen some of my favorite mid-century homes get bulldozed to the ground in a day. Shame on you!
4 Barton Hills
When I bought my last house, Barton Hills was my first choice. Problem is, no one ever leaves so thereâs rarely much on the market. I love that there seems to be no social class there. Doesnât matter how big your house is or what you do for a living. I imagine people having real interesting conversations about real things that matter. I also love that this neighborhood is where all the broken pets seem to have been adopted (one eye, missing leg, perhaps a stutter). My only beef with Barton Hills is that everyone spends their entire paycheck at REI. Too many pockets, backpacks, fanny packs, adventure caps, canteens and co
mpasses. Itâs creepy.
3 South Congress/South Lamar
When I first moved to Austin this was flat our hookerville. Many Texas politicians are quite sad this area has been cleaned up. They donât know what to do when in town for legislature anymore. This area is filled with 30 somethings who apparently donât have to be anywhere at any certain time⦠EVER. Their days are filled with coffee shop visits and vintage store browsing. Driving through this neighborhood area it is apparent that everyone is a bike messenger or aspires to be one. So will someone, for the life of me, tell me how they can all afford 500,000 dollar homes. Big props to those who havenât sold out to builders and are hanging onto those 800 sq. ft. homes. Without you, this neighborhood would be ruined by all the newbies.
2 Bouldin Creek
This area just oozes cool. They are in for trouble though. The home prices and new modern homes are going to bring in a ton of people who âthink they are coolâ and they are going to dork it all up. The art to living in this neighborhood the right way is spending as little as you can on; cars, landscaping, personal hygiene, haircuts, or clothing. If you are going to spend money, spend it on; music fests, piercings, tats, hemp clothing and Eastern medicine. No one in Bouldin works for the Man. I admire that.
1 TravisHeights
I have always wanted to live in this neighborhood but Iâm afraid I would never fit in since I donât have a Kiln. Itâs very popular to be a white person with dreadlocks and to look as if you are heading to or from a Renaissance festival. Congratulations on spending more annually on the health of your trees than on yourself. Thereâs a difference between being âCoolâ to attract attention or just âBeing Coolâ. TravisHeights is the latter and thatâs why itâs my pic for Austinâs Coolest Neighboorhood 2008. Too bad I canât even afford to rent your detached studio.
