Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs was recently injured in a car crash in front of the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles. My unreliable sources tell me that speed demon Linday Lohan is a suspect in the Diddy case. Fans of Lindsay Lohan, and who isn’t, may recall that our girl Lindsay was just let off the hook from a separate auto incident where the actress was accused of hitting a man on Sept. 19 while driving a friend's car on her way to a New York hotel nightclub just after stealing jewelry from said friend’s apartment.
Speaking of stealing, Lindsay ‘Sticky Fingers’ Lohan is also in the news for allegedly stealing $15,000 worth of clothes from the set of ‘Scary Movie 5.’ Among the missing items are a Gucci purse, a Versace dress that says ‘Kick Me” on the back and a dozen pair of crotchless panties from Victoria’s Secret.
Sticky Fingers Lohan should be considered armed, well dressed and otherwise dangerously close of exposing her crotch. Should you happen to encounter Lindsay, please do not attempt to apprehend her by yourself. Instead, please call police immediately at 1-800-GETSTICKY.
Zappos.com, the online source for clothing, handbags, slippers and other overpriced stuff, was recently hacked, exposing account information for millions of its customers. While it is too early to tell who zapped Zappos or their motives, noted German-born, cyber security expert Gunther Von Leaderhosen speculates, “Unt my opinion is zee culprit das not like vearing expensive slippers!”
Gunther, now living in New Braunfels, Texas went on to comment that the Zappos hackers made off with over 24 million customer records and that the only common factor among all compromised accounts was that each customer had paid too much for a pair of moccasins and or slippers and that they like to wear them out in public. Gunther, struggling to find the words in English, stated in his native tongue, “Meine Wolle Unterwäsche machen meine Nüsse jucken.” I’m not 100% sure what this means but using the German I learned in high school I believe the translation is, “Wearing wool underwear makes my Schwanzstucker itch.” Okay… not sure what that has to do with who hacked Zappos.com but Gunther must have his reasons for sharing that awesome piece of information.
Curious, I checked out the slipper selection at Zappos.com and was shocked to see some of them going for as high as $110 a pair. While I don’t know what the high cost of moccasins and slippers have to do with the resent security breach at Zappos.com, it does kind of explain why I’ve seen a lot of adults wearing them in public, in broad daylight, and presumably of sound mind. But then again, if I paid $110 for slippers, I to would get my money’s worth and wear them as much as possible, including while shopping for veggies and for sure during my five-minute lovemaking sessions.
Lindsay Lohan allegedly, temporarily borrowed (i.e. stole) a $2,500 necklace from a Venice, California, jewelry store on January 22. I'm guessing Lohan is in and out of court, jail, and rehab so often these days and otherwise not working that she's looking for creative ways to cover her legal expenses by pawning expensive jewelry that's not hers? Makes sense to me. Lindsay Lohan pled not guilty to felony grand theft on Wednesday and was released on $40,000 bail. My unreliable sources close to the investigation say that the necklace was made of gold and corn on the cob (see exclusive photo on the left). When asked why she would allegedly steal such an expensive and otherwise ridiculous necklace, Lohan replied, "I thought it was beautiful and I loves to eat me some stolen corn on the cob." In an even odder turn of events and speaking through her publicist, Lindsay Lohan now wants to be referred to as L.L. Cool Corn Cob. Stay tuned as more fascinating facts are revealed in this deliciously interesting corn cob caper.
I saw the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2010 last night and I think for the first time in my life I am speechless.
I was so excited that I must have passed out at least two or three times.
If you missed it, you might be able to check it out online at the CBS website.
I think I look pretty good in ladies lingerie but I can't hold a G-string to these girls.