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The Unknown Blogger


Posts from February 2014


Justin Bieber Talks to the Unknown Blogger
Justin Bieber broke his silence regarding his recent arrest in Miami on January 23, 2014 and granted me an exclusive phone interview.  As you may recall, Baby Bieber (as he’s affectionately known here in the Mix studios) was busted by Miami-Dade Police for street racing and charged with drunken driving, resisting arrest and driving without a valid license. Blood tests would later reveal Baby Bieber was under the influence of alcohol, marijuana, Xanax and 32 ounces of baby food.

Unknown Blogger (UB): Hi Justin. Thanks for taking time to talk with me.
Justin Bieber (JB): No problem. My daddy just woke me up from my nap so I’m all rested and ready to rap. I am hungry though so do you mind if I eat my Goldfish® crackers while we talk?
UB: Cool with me. We wouldn’t want your tummy growling during the interview.
JB: Totes
UB:  So I read the other day that you’re trying to stop the Miami police from releasing video of you making wee wee in your jail cell. Can you talk about the whole jail experience?
[ JB crunching on his Goldfish® and not answering ]
UB: Justin?
JB: Oh, sorry. Damn! I sure love me some Goldfish®. What was the question?
UB: Can you share with me what it was like to be locked up in Miami?
JB: Well I’ll say one thing, there are no Goldfish® crackers in jail and I really had the munchies. Damn bunch of meanie cops.
UB: I see. So I assume they let you make a phone call. Who did you call?
JB: Duh! Who do you think I called? I called Selena Gomez but some dude answered so I just hung up.
UB: And did the police let you call someone else?
JB: Yeah but I just kept calling Selena but that same dude kept answering so finally I was like, “Hey A-hole. Stop answering Selena’s phone and he was like this is not Selena’s phone and I was like this isn’t Selena Gomez’s phone and he says no you jackass this is Chuck E. Cheese's!” I was like, “Sorry dude - must have hit the wrong re-dial on my cell, yo.”
UB: So the cops let you use your cell phone to make the call?
JB: Well they didn’t know I had it cuz I hid it in my… never mind.  
UB: So how were you generally treated in jail? Did they jack with you because you’re a pop star or were they pretty cool?
JB: The cops sucked but my cellmate was even worse. He kept saying I was his bitch and I was like “Oh no I’m not but if you have some Goldfish® crackers then maybe we could work something out,” and he was like “Yo, listen here cracker, I got your Goldfish® crackers right here,” and I was like “Ok bitch, then let me see them crackers” but he was just lying and really didn’t have any crackers and I was about to start crying but went to my happy place instead and started singing “Be Alright” from my last album Believe.
UB: Wow. Sounds like you had a rough time. How are you doing these days?
JB: Are you kidding? I’m doin’ awesome! I got plenty of Goldfish®; I can crank call Selena as much as I want and I don’t have to worry about someone sneaking up on me trying to play a game of hide the weasel – hate that weasel game!
UB: Totes. Well on that note I gotta run but thanks for the interview and good luck with all your legal problems and stuff.
[ JB crunching on his Goldfish® and not answering ]
 
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Locations: Miami
People: Justin BieberSelena Gomez




 
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