A woman talking dirty in the bedroom is pretty hot but two women talking dirty in a restaurant... not so hot. Unless, of course, you happen to be eating at a gentlemen's club.
The other night I took my 6 year old niece and 8 year old nephew to eat dinner at a kid friendly restaurant. We were having a great time until two hookers from hell showed up. OK. I don't know if they were hookers but only hookers or sailors can cuss like these two women were cussing and neither of them were wearing sailor suits. WTF?
Now I'm not saying I've never used profanity but the way these girls were casually cussing while enjoying hor'devours and cocktails, I thought maybe I accidentally had taken my niece and nephew to happy hour at Sugar's Uptown Cabaret and my sister has emphatically warned me to never take her kids to my regular eateries.
Here's a partial transcript of the hookers from hell dialog that took place within earshot of my darling little niece and nephew:
Hooker #1: I told Bill he's BLEEPIN' crazy if he BLEEPIN' thinks he can ever BLEEP me while I'm past out from BLEEPIN' drinkin' Jäger shots all BLEEPIN' night.
Hooker #2: BLEEP that! I've seen that BLEEPIN' Bill and I wouldn't BLEEPIN' BLEEP him even if I was BLEEPIN' wasted after 20 Jäger bombs.
Hooker #1: Right?
Hooker #2: BLEEPIN' straight up BLEEP.
Hooker #1: Where's that BLEEPIN' waitress with our BLEEPIN' Jäger shots?
Hooker #2: She's probably getting her BLEEP all BLEEPED out in the BLEEPIN' kitchen or somethin'. BLEEP!
Hooker #1: Oh my BLEEPIN' BLEEP itches so bad I can't BLEEPIN' stand it!
Hooker #2: Your BLEEP still BLEEPIN' itches? I thought you went to the BLEEPIN' doctor and the BLEEPER gave you some BLEEPIN' cream for that BLEEP.
Hooker #1: BLEEP that BLEEP. I went to see that BLEEPER but he BLEEPIN' weirded me out the way he kept BLEEPIN' staring at me so I just got the BLEEP outta there and told him he needed to see a BLEEPIN' shrink because he was like a BLEEPIN' perv or some BLEEP.
Hooker #2: That's BLEEPED up. Isn't he the BLEEPIN' cute one?
Hooker #1: Well yeah but BLEEPIN' your doctor is BLEEPIN' messed up, girl. Everyone knows doctors can give you the BLEEPIN' crabs.
I think you get the BLEEPIN' picture.
The whole restaurant was pretty loud and my niece and nephew were in a world of their own, cracking jokes, debating endlessly about who would win a farting contest between Sponge Bob, Oscar the Grouch and their uncle Unknown Blogger. So I'm not sure how much of the hookers from hell conversation they heard but I wasn't going to take any BLEEPIN' chances and asked the BLEEPIN' waitress if she could BLEEPIN' move us as far away as possible from these BLEEPIN' chicks. OMG! Cussing in public is contagious.
I'm not sure if it was the Jägermeister that was talking or if these girls talk like that all the time. But my two cents is that neither men nor women should cuss in public, particularly if children are around taking notes. "Excuse me uncle. How do you spell BLEEP, what is it and how can it give you crabs like from the sea?"
Gosh. I wonder what happened to those potty-mouthed, Jäger swilling girls that night.