Hostess ®, the makers of Twinkies ®, Ding Dongs ® and other tasty treats that clog your arteries and eventually make your heart stop beating, announced it has filed for Chapter 11, again, and may very well be the end of the hostess with the mostest unhealthy product line. A spokesperson for Hostess recently commented, “Apparently overweight people, with little to no self control, don’t enjoy our products any longer and instead prefer to simply eat large amounts of lard directly from 32-ounce tubs because it’s cheaper and more efficient at causing heart attacks than having to repeatedly drag their fat ass to the supermarket to buy cartons of Ding Dongs.”
This is not the first sign of trouble for Hostess. Some of you may recall the controversy surrounding Hostess and their line of Ho Hos ® - Swiss-filled chocolate cakes elegantly enrobed in a delectable confectionary coating. When first introduced, the name Ho Hos offended prostitutes and hookers everywhere as they felt they had exclusive rights to the label, Ho Hos. The legal case of Hostess vs. The Prostitute League of America (PLA) would drag on for months and eventually resulted in an out-of-court settlement with the PLA for undisclosed amounts of Ho Hos, fishnet stockings, cigarettes, ten-inch stilettos and rubber chickens.
It’s too early to tell if this is the end of Hostess but I think I can speak for fat asses everywhere (with the exception of ho hos with fat asses) by stating it will be a sad day when I can no longer get my Ding Dong on.