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The Unknown Blogger




Hey Ladies - Tiger is Single

Image by Tim FarrisIt’s official. Elin Nordegren and Tiger “I’m really horny” Woods are divorced. So ladies… if you felt left out because you were the only one Tiger didn’t have an affair with, now is your chance. As my millions of readers well know, I too had an affair with “Woody” (my secret nickname for him). You can read about it here in case you missed it. But now I’m glad to know more women will no doubt be able to experience “The Woody” like I did. Elin and Woody released a joint statement via their bloodsucking lawyers stating, “We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future.” Uh, right. I have it from an extremely unreliable source that Swedish-born Elin has told her friends in her native tongue, “Jag är så glad att jag inte behöver göra korvmackor med crusts avskuren för den mannen längre.” Loosely translated it means, “I'm so glad I don't have to make bologna sandwiches with the crusts cut off for that man anymore.” As he and I were once lovers, I don’t feel comfortable judging Woody but you have to admit there is something wrong with a man who is not satisfied with a hot, loving blonde from Sweden. C’mon… seriously! Erin, call me. And don’t worry… I hate bologna sandwiches but love Swedish meatballs. 
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A.I. in Austin

AI In AustinAmerican Idol is in Austin for it's Season 10 auditions. Oh I can’t wait to hear the next musical prodigy to come from the Idol loins. After all, we depend on AI to bring us such musical geniuses as Kelly Clarkson, Clay Aiken and Adam Lambert. Oh wait! Adam Lambert didn't win on season 8... Kris Allen did.  So why do we still have to listen to an Idol loser? Anyway, out of sheer boredom and because I’m easily entertained, I took a trip to the Frank Erwin Center where would-be contestants have been lining up for audition wristbands for their chance at stardom.  Here are the top ten things I overheard while in line. 10. Is this the line for Longhorn cheerleader tryouts? 9. Will you hold my place in line? I have to pee. 8. No I won’t hold your place! Just pee in line like I do. 7. Why does the Frank Erwin Center smell so bad? 6. My favorite AI winner of all time is Kelly Clarkson. I hope I become just as famous and just as fat as she is. 5. Is this the line for American Idol judges tryouts? 4. I’m gay so I know I’m going to win. 3. That’s right… I won season 3 but since my career didn’t go anywhere, I decided to try out again. 2. So is the “Pants On The Ground” guy dead or not?  1. Hey everyone look… my pants are on the ground and I’m peeing in line. Weeeeeeee!
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