Itâs official. Elin Nordegren and Tiger âIâm really hornyâ Woods are divorced. So ladiesâ¦ if you felt left out because you were the only one Tiger didnât have an affair with, now is your chance.
As my millions of readers well know, I too had an affair with âWoodyâ (my secret nickname for him). You can read about it here in case you missed it. But now Iâm glad to know more women will no doubt be able to experience âThe Woodyâ like I did.
Elin and Woody released a joint statement via their bloodsucking lawyers stating, âWe are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future.â Uh, right. I have it from an extremely unreliable source that Swedish-born Elin has told her friends in her native tongue, âJag Ã¤r sÃ¥ glad att jag inte behÃ¶ver gÃ¶ra korvmackor med crusts avskuren fÃ¶r den mannen lÃ¤ngre.â Loosely translated it means, âI'm so glad I don't have to make bologna sandwiches with the crusts cut off for that man anymore.â
As he and I were once lovers, I donât feel comfortable judging Woody but you have to admit there is something wrong with a man who is not satisfied with a hot, loving blonde from Sweden. Câmonâ¦ seriously!
Erin, call me. And donât worryâ¦ I hate bologna sandwiches but love Swedish meatballs.
Today I was skimming through my various web resources looking for interesting news and came across an article by ChristWire[d0t]org. By the way, Â the tag line for ChristWire[d0t]org Â is âConservative Values for an Unsaved World.â Gulp.
The title of the article is âIs My Husband GAY?â and lists what ChristWire[d0t]org considers to be the definitive, 15 tell-tale signs that your player is swinging his bat for the other team.
I should point out Iâm not gay and Iâm not married nor have anything against either demographic. I just found the headline hilarious and was assuming Iâd find the content to be similar to comedian Jeff Foxworthyâs bit, âYou Might Be a Redneck ifâ¦â But I must say I was relieved to know that wearing a paper bag on your head didnât make their Is-My-Husband-GAY list.
Iâm not sure if the good folks at ChristWire[d0t]org are serious about the findings of their gay-lifestyle research listed in âIs My Husband GAY?â but Iâll let you be the judge.Â I must warn you that if cell phones, alcohol or gym memberships are part of your marriage, you could be in trouble.
In any event, may you have a long and happy marriage.