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Nights with Ashley Z

The Unknown Blogger

Hey Ladies - Tiger is Single

Image by Tim FarrisIt’s official. Elin Nordegren and Tiger “I’m really horny” Woods are divorced. So ladies… if you felt left out because you were the only one Tiger didn’t have an affair with, now is your chance. As my millions of readers well know, I too had an affair with “Woody” (my secret nickname for him). You can read about it here in case you missed it. But now I’m glad to know more women will no doubt be able to experience “The Woody” like I did. Elin and Woody released a joint statement via their bloodsucking lawyers stating, “We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future.” Uh, right. I have it from an extremely unreliable source that Swedish-born Elin has told her friends in her native tongue, “Jag är så glad att jag inte behöver göra korvmackor med crusts avskuren för den mannen längre.” Loosely translated it means, “I'm so glad I don't have to make bologna sandwiches with the crusts cut off for that man anymore.” As he and I were once lovers, I don’t feel comfortable judging Woody but you have to admit there is something wrong with a man who is not satisfied with a hot, loving blonde from Sweden. C’mon… seriously! Erin, call me. And don’t worry… I hate bologna sandwiches but love Swedish meatballs. 
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Is Your Husband Gay?

Original photo by kkendallToday I was skimming through my various web resources looking for interesting news and came across an article by ChristWire[d0t]org. By the way,  the tag line for ChristWire[d0t]org  is “Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.” Gulp. The title of the article is “Is My Husband GAY?” and lists what ChristWire[d0t]org considers to be the definitive, 15 tell-tale signs that your player is swinging his bat for the other team. I should point out I’m not gay and I’m not married nor have anything against either demographic. I just found the headline hilarious and was assuming I’d find the content to be similar to comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s bit, “You Might Be a Redneck if…” But I must say I was relieved to know that wearing a paper bag on your head didn’t make their Is-My-Husband-GAY list. I’m not sure if the good folks at ChristWire[d0t]org are serious about the findings of their gay-lifestyle research listed in “Is My Husband GAY?” but I’ll let you be the judge.  I must warn you that if cell phones, alcohol or gym memberships are part of your marriage, you could be in trouble. In any event, may you have a long and happy marriage.
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