Itâs official. Elin Nordegren and Tiger âIâm really hornyâ Woods are divorced. So ladiesâ¦ if you felt left out because you were the only one Tiger didnât have an affair with, now is your chance.
As my millions of readers well know, I too had an affair with âWoodyâ (my secret nickname for him). You can read about it here in case you missed it. But now Iâm glad to know more women will no doubt be able to experience âThe Woodyâ like I did.
Elin and Woody released a joint statement via their bloodsucking lawyers stating, âWe are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future.â Uh, right. I have it from an extremely unreliable source that Swedish-born Elin has told her friends in her native tongue, âJag Ã¤r sÃ¥ glad att jag inte behÃ¶ver gÃ¶ra korvmackor med crusts avskuren fÃ¶r den mannen lÃ¤ngre.â Loosely translated it means, âI'm so glad I don't have to make bologna sandwiches with the crusts cut off for that man anymore.â
As he and I were once lovers, I donât feel comfortable judging Woody but you have to admit there is something wrong with a man who is not satisfied with a hot, loving blonde from Sweden. Câmonâ¦ seriously!
Erin, call me. And donât worryâ¦ I hate bologna sandwiches but love Swedish meatballs.