If you tune into this year’s Oscars and manage to stay awake long enough, you may notice the academy has brought back a category it retired several years ago – Best Supporting Object.
Rumor has it the favorite to win Best Supporting Object this year is Baseball, from the movie “Moneyball” starring Brad Pitt.
I recently caught up with Baseball while it was nude sunbathing in St. Tropez. Baseball said it was excited about the nomination and said it plans on “kicking Bats ass” who is also nominated this year for Best Supporting Object. Apparently there is still some animosity between Baseball and Bat as both were nominated back in 1989 for the movie “Field of Dreams.” Baseball lost to Bat that year and when I asked Baseball how he liked his chances this year, it replied, “Bat doesn’t have a chance this time around. I mean c’mon! That guy acts like a piece of wood for Christ sake!” Bat could not be reached for comment.
In a strange turn of events, Peyton Manning, quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts (for now), secretly announced that he intends to suit up in a New York Giants uniform and take the field to help out his little brother, Eli Manning (quarterback for the New York Giants), during this Sunday’s Super Bowl when the Giants take on the New England Patriots. Wow! Now the Giants will suck twice as bad. Is that even legal?
Peyton recently shared his secret Super Bowl shocker via phone interview with sportscaster Brandon Wark of the 3 Guys Sports Show. Peyton confided that he wanted to dispel any rumors that he’s not fit for football and show the world that he is indeed ready to play again after undergoing surgery on a bulging disk in his neck and in his pants. Peyton also added, “I also want to play in this Sunday’s Super Bowl because I’m tired of everyone saying how great Eli is… and Eli this and Eli that…Eli, Eli, Eli!”
Although almost rendered speechless, Wark pressed Peyton for details such as how would Peyton even be allowed on the field as a Giants backup quarterback and if Brother Eli knew of his super secret plan? Peyton responded, “Who cares… I’m Peyton Freakin’ Manning… Super Bowl XLI MVP… master of the football universe!” Peyton also added that he had recently become extremely fond of the little black and yellow pills his doctor has been prescribing for Peyton’s neck pain because “… they make me feel like a little fuzzy bumble bee floating inside a floating soap bubble, gently dancing in the soft breeze.” Ummm… Okay, Peyton. Nice talking to you and see you in Super Bowl XLVI.