Is it me or are people farting a lot more in public?
I was in a department store the other day and as I turned into the woman's underwear section, a beautiful woman, presumably in her late twenties, hurriedly passed by me as she exited the section. I took a couple more steps and was greeted with a waft of air so foul I was actually frightened. I slowly turned my head to see if I could catch a glimpse of the fleeing farting femme fatale and to my surprise she was looking back at me with a smile and gave me a Sarah Palin like wink. It's then I realized, I'D BEEN SLIMED.
Over the past couple weeks I've noticed public farters, or PF's as they're known, come in all shapes and sizes and vary in levels of discreetness. Some prefer the ever popular stealth, silent but deadly and vanish before they can be seen, leaving some to second guess that maybe they themselves have cut the cheese. “Gosh! I don't see anyone around so that smell must be me.” While others lack any sense of flatulent decorum and lift a leg so as to better release their thunderous noxious gas, furthermore not caring if they are seen, heard or smelled. It's as if they mean to say, “That's right, I'm a PF and what are you gonna do about it?”
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fartist. People are entitled to their gas but can't we agree to release our flatulents the way God intend, in the privacy of our own home and into a Tupperware container for safe keeping?
So please, PF's, take some Beano before you go out in public and remember that silent but deadly is not golden.