1) What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
2) Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
3) What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Swede.
4) Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."
5) Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat him.
6) Seems he forgot his Daddy's profound advice, "Tiger, you'll never be successful until you learn to play one hole at a time."
7) What did Elin say right after she clubbed him? "Don't even try to tell me I bent my elbow...!"
8) Of course, he blamed it on a problem with his Escalade. Whenever a golfer hits a tree, he blames it on his Caddie.
9) I hear that Tiger is changing his name to Cheetah!