I love my Apple iPod Touch. But I'm bummed I can't get it to do the latest trick where it bursts into flames.
The Times newspaper recently reported a story that Apple attempted to place a gag order on a Liverpool father and his daughter. The father says his 11-year old daughter dropped her iPod Touch and the Touch soon burst into flames. When the father contacted Apple hoping for a refund, Apple offered compensation only if the father would sign a non-disclosure agreement of sorts.
This is not the only case of the exploding Apples. Other stories are surfacing in Europe and the U.K. where some owners are claiming their iPods go snap, crackle and pop.
Upon hearing this news I quickly grabbed my iPod to see if I could replicate what I call the iBomb. But after hours of continuous play, I had no such luck. Bummer. I'm a geek and therefore go gaga over the latest techno toys so naturally I to want an exploding iPod.
I decided to call Apple and complain. I told technical support that “I had a defective iPod and wanted my money back.” A nice Apple technician named Leisha asked why I thought my iPod was defective, to which I replied, “because it doesn't explode like the other iPods I've read about.” Silence on Leisha's end for a couple seconds.
Leisha: “Uh...sir... your iPod not exploding is a good thing.”
Me: “Not really. I'm tired of this model and want to get another one so I would rather mine explode like other iPods so I can start shopping for a new one.”
Leisha: “Where did you hear that iPods explode?”
Me: “I read it on the Internets.”
Leisha: “Oh my, that can't be true. I've not...”
Me: “Can you please tell me which iPod application I can download that will make my iPod burst into flames?”
Leisha: “Uh... I don't think I can tell you where to get such an application... sir.”
Me: “Why not, Leisha? I'm willing to pay for it. Is it some sort of secret application you're not allowed to talk about?”
Leisha: Faint giggle. “No sir. There isn't a secret application that makes your iPod explode...”
Me: “Then why do other peoples' iPods explode and not mine?” I start to cry like a baby that can't have any candy.
Leisha: “Please sir. Don't cry. I think you should be happy your iPod functions properly and that it doesn't burst into flames.”
Me: “It's my iPod and I'll cry if I want to. Why are you being so mean to me, Leisha?”
Leisha: “I'm sorry sir you're so unhappy that your iPod doesn't explode. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Me: “Well. There is one thing... would you mind telling me if you think you have beautiful feet? And, do you have painted toenails?
Leisha: Laughing out loud. “As a matter of fact sir, I do have beautiful feet if I do say so myself and my toenails are painted metallic flake pink.”
Me: “Oh my.” Gulp. “Would it be possible if you could take a picture of your feet and email it to my iPhone? I hear iPhones are exploding as well.”
Leisha: “I'll see what I can do. Have a nice day sir and thank you for calling Apple.” Click.
I hung up my iPhone and no sooner than I did it exploded and burst into flames.
Either my iPhone was an iBomb, or Leisha had some pretty hot feet.